You're talking about a matter of degrees though. Ultimately, if that is the case, it won't matter. You will still think and act in hate toward women. It's a slippery slope.
Stay with me here. Let's do a comparison. Churches are losing members, primarily because of the hate coming from the extremists who believe in a certain narrow view of what being a Christian means. In the end, it doesn't matter that your local Methodist church doesn't have any priest sexual scandals and just wants to love Jesus. They didn't stand up against bigotry when it mattered. Now everyone distrusts them and looks at them with the long side eye because of their faith. As organizations and community hubs, all churches are suffering because of the zealots. They failed to reject extremism in their midst.
Right?
Because we're talking about the degradation of the Commons. The fabric of our communities. We're talking about integrity between persons. Basic levels of human integrity between persons. What you allow to stand amongst your own against others will eventually be visited upon you. Because you've made the behavior/belief acceptable. To borrow from Christianity, we're talking about the golden rule.
Let's go back to a specific time in history. Some extremists started demeanig and disparaging Jews. Those people were Christians. Precious few of the other Christians put a check on that bullshit when they had the chance. Then in a few short years the entire world got to enjoy a World War and the Jews endured yet another genocide.
All those Christians who stood by only vaguely feeling like being a Christian was better and more favorable in the eyes of God than being a Jew were part of what happened to them. They allowed the Commons to degrade to the point where people were being murdered. They did nothing. They said nothing. They were superior and more concerned with their faux feelings of being persecuted than the lives of their neighbors.
All right, so that's a rare follow through to where this idea leads. Do you see what the idea is yet?
It's not about being born male, gender arguments, maleness is bad, or having a "manly" moment of physical prowess (Tom Hanks' "I - have made fire" comes to mind). It's about this idea that being male is fundamentally better (for some, in the eyes of God) than being female. It's an idea of authoritarianism and domination of one human over another. It's fundamentally flawed thinking that by it's nature must lead to violence. It will always lead to violence because there is no other way to maintain that hierarchy.
To be clear, I am not ragging on men here. There are plenty of women who buy into this garbage thinking too. And many many more, male and female, who sit by that pool and dip their toes in, just basking in how it makes them feel to be part of the "IN" crowd.
That's the "harmlessness" of manliness and hurt feelings of men (rejection) you're so concerned with. Right there.
So let's be clear. The man box has a certain set of requirements that men must perform in order to constantly "prove" their manhood to other men. One of those requirements is to root out of themselves every characteristic trait that has been labeled "feminine". To literally loathe those parts of themselves and kill them within.
Okay?
So tell me this. How can a man go his whole life doing that, self loathing and then not come to loathe those same traits he has been taught are bad in another human being—this time a female human being? He may desire her body, her beauty; hell, he may even desire those feminine traits she has developed that he has denied within himself. But he also fundamentally believes that they're bad.
Do you see what a small step it is to hate feminine traits to hating females, even while he stewa in cofnitive dissonance because he also desires them? And another smaller step from hating females to behaving apathetically about the violence they face at the hands of men? The next step is passive aggressive violence. Most men stop here. But they stay silent in what follows as it inevitably will. Actual acts of violence. Then denial of justice. Then discriminatory laws. Then femicide.
Look at that list. See it as a roadway map. See where we are. See how many short steps are left to get to the end of the authoritarian road.
It's never been about "being a man means you're bad". That's a false narrative. Always has been. It's about rejecting authoritarian thinking and ideas of superiority. Always has been. Thinking being a man makes you a better human being IS wrong headed thinking. Full Stop. It's thinking that will inevitably require you to enact violence on your fellow human being. Full Stop.
Good men (and women) reject that thinking. Passionately. Consistently. Unapologetically.
They protect the integrity of the Commons against extremist thinking. Without fail. Every time.
