You hit the nail on the head right here. When you grow up with abuse or with a mentally ill parent, you spend a lot of time walking around on eggshells trying to figure out what's going to cause the next explosion of rage.

You never learn any meaningful confidence in yourself or how to regulate your own rage because it was always about managing theirs. And failing. Time and time again because there is no predicting or controlling it.

When you become an adult, you're behind. You've got a lot of things backwards and wrong that you have to unpack, and retrain yourself about. You carry a lot of self loathing and fear.

It's hard. Keep at it, June. It's worth it. We're rooting for you.