Yep. This right here, this is the real answer. Do not.have children you yourself do not have reaources for. Do not have more than you can reasonably care for. Do not depend on a man to care for you and your children.

If you find a guy who's actually into the whole family thing, that's great. Good for you and for him.
There are men out there who actually want to be fathers an pursue it on all accounts, not just spreading their seed.

But the sad reality is, there are not enough of those men to go around. .ost men treat fatherhood as something that just happens to them without any kind of input from them. Many treat it like a trap of them. And sometimes it is.

But there are a growing number of men like you describe who use children as snare traps. And .more often than not, you will not know till the breakup happens that this is where his head is truly at. And the cheating will completely destroy your world. You'll be completely sideswiped.

I had a neighbor much like your friend Sophie. Only, not only had she had a son with this man and married him (so I disagree with you here, marriage is no protection, it actually makes it worse many times), she had legally adopted as her own daufjter the little girl from a previous relationship of his.

He cheated on her with her sister too. That was deliberate. These guys always go after sisters and best friends for their cheating because it's out of spite. Mothers and aunts sometimes too. They spend a lot of time stoking jealousy and then trash talking you, playing the victim, which is grooming behavior.

Her kids and Urchling used to play together and she and I were becoming good friends. They got into a fight over him bailing on the kids his weekend to wreck her plans and I had been over to pick up Urchling. He followed us out and hit on me.

This shit is pathological.

These guys are never going to be anything but abusive toward those kids.

My advice to your friend is to stop chasing after him trying to get him to be a father. Let it lie. He'll assume is punishment is breaking you down. Check your state law. Usually, after 6 months of no contact, you can file a petition to sever his parental rights.

Better no dad than a bad dad. And that will clear the field for you to find someone who actually respects the job, if that's what you still want.