Yeah, you do have say. The job of a parent is to protect your kids. Sometimes you have to protect them from their other parent who is spiraling. That sucks, but there it is.

I had to. In our case, it wasn't ohysical or emotional abuse, it was neglext and negligence.

You set your standards and your boundaries. You lay out what the consequences will be. And you stick to it.

In our case, he wasn't allowed to keep her at his house anymore. Any visits had to be requestedz sober, and at a neutral location or at my house. He has the righr to earn back trust by either going to rehab, counseling and AA, or agreeing to weekly drug checks for 6 months at his expense. Then we'd see if they were still needed.

He chose to be an ass and try to dictate terms.

He chose to cut off all contact to punish me/us into submission. He chose to be abusive rather than to be a parent.

That was his choice and his right to make that choice. My choice, my right, and my duty is to protect my child.

After 3 months, I sent him an email informing him that all terms and conditions still applied and he had 3 more months to get his shit together if he ever wanted to have any say in her life.

But no. He's a "bulldog". Nobody tells him what to do.

3 months later, I started the process to sever his parental rights, which took about two months. Along with the paperwork, I sent him another letter detailing that this was a legal move only, that the terms and conditions to be a part odnher life still applied, and if he ever wanted to reconcile his relationship with her then he knew what he needed to do and he had our number.

He sicced his church on us. He wrecked his car when he passed out driving, having left his stepdaughter's nearly 2 yr old son home alone for a beer run.

I had an opportunity to move after 3 years and I took it. I set my daughter up with an email account so that they could have contact if they wanted it. She has access to the ohine and is allowed to call anyone in the family she wants, including him. He has our number, which has not changed in over a decade.

She was 9 years old the ladt time there was any contact. He was inebriated and raving. She eventually just put the phone aside and went back to watching cartoons.

I will NEVER require her to accept or absorb his abusive behavior just because he had it rough. And he did. Lots of people do. All these people deserve help dealing with their traumas and it should be available. It's our failure as a society that it's not.

But. They can't be forced into it. It usually doesn't work. And until they get that help, the little ones and people who can't protect themselves ALSO need protexrion from these people. Or else there will inevitably be more trauma because these people attract it, collect it, and then spew it all around them in one massive shitstorm after another. It is what it is. You gotta dress for the weather, stay sheltered, or you will reap the consequences.

To this day, he could still pick up the phone or send an email and make amends. No one in the world is preventing him, except himself.