Yeah, the prrssure to provide a father is unreal. I certainly felt it and caves to it somewhat. And I experienced some pain and unnecessary drama in our life because of it.

The societal conversation on this issue is off. In the end, you can't make someone be a good parent or not. They have to want to be.

The reality is, kepping a bad parental figure in a key role who clearly has no real desire to be there other than to torture the other parent or stroke their own ego just for the sake of having a position filled keeps those who want to be there for the right reasons out.

Men who actually respect the job of being a dad say this all the time too, they just say it a different way. You will often hear men lament about want to mentor young men who lack fathers but how there's little way for them to get involved and help out. Plus, most of these young men have fathers, since they didn't hatch out of an egg or get dropped off by aliens. It's just their fathers aren't interested in the job.

Tryinf to keep them there means everyone keeps being let down. Letting everyone go on with their lives allows the abandoned to properly grieve so they can move on and that in turn creates space for a broader community of men to step in and provide mentorship and role modelling.

I think she was 6 the last time we saw him. All this time, he's had a means of contacting her if he wanted to. He didn't want to. That's cool; we moved on. Urchling got her chance to grieve and then things got better.

She doesn't remember too much about him, she was too young. The memories she does have of him are vague and either ambivalent or mildly unpleasant. She doesn't have any good or happy memories of him.