Well, the control part of the equation isn’t usually about perceived threat. We are all socialized to believe that men are entitled to women’s bodies. It’s a subconscious belief in a patriarchal society. What is considered beautiful is socially defined construct and beauty is kind of a perceived public good like use of roadways. Again, these thoughts are held in the collective subconscious.

Look, when I was 11, my grandparents took me to the World’s Fair in Knoxville TN. At the time, I had long blond hair and was obviously right on the cusp of puberty and was proportionately during a period of near perfect symmetry (kids don’t grow evenly, sometimes you’re lanky and awkward). I started getting all kinds of weird attention. There was a guy from the news there doing this kind of interview thing, he picked me even though I didn’t volunteer and a lot of other kids did. Put his arm around me and held my hand. It was awkward, he was a stranger. There was a guy dressed up like a Heinz pickle. He followed us around, teasing me like a mime. Some younger man (25 to 30) escaped the Saudi Arabian exhibit and followed me around touching my hair. I say “escaped" because they were supposed to have a chaperone. He needed one. He had never seen a natural blond before (which made me exotic), or so they claimed when his crew came and found him. They pulled my grandfather aside and asked, basically, for a bride price. He wanted to know how much to secure a marriage contract as best Papa understood it.

I was 11.

None of these guys were trying to assault me or rape me any more than the guy in the author’s account. They’re just admiring beauty. It’s a compliment, right? That’s what we’re told. Men don’t think, and back in 1982 no one thought about the psychological violence that sexually charged behavior does to girls who are too young to understand it and way to young physically, mentally, and emotionally to be ready for it or process it.