True. That's not unfair though because looks is not the only or main thing they go by. They're looking at the whole package. Also, for women, looks isbmore about whether or not a guy is put together, as you'd say, rather than are they objectively handsome based on fashion standards or what have you. We're not yet driven to extremes by matketing propaganda like many of you men are, though I agree it will happen in time if the marketing industry is not reigned in. The reason we're not as deeply affected is because we've had less exposure on that side of the coin, not because we're immune or mentally and emotionally superior.
Personally, I hate the phrase so I've never asked a guy that. Ever. And will never. But not because I think it's wrong, sexist, or unfair to ask.
Both sides have to determine whether or not their date is a good fit, unless you're just dating for fun or experience. If that's the case, it's fine but you should be up front and clear about it so you're not wasting anyone's time when they want different. Especially when they've been clear that they do.
That means you have to determine a few things, like whether you can collectively make a living in the lifestyle you want, where you want, and with the number of children you want, etc.
I've been asked this question too, many a time, although the phrasing is usually different. It doesn't bother me because I know how to field those questions.
My answers have, on occasion, excluded me from the pool and that's fine because the situation exuded him too. That's not an attack on either of our characters; it's nothing more than a recognition that we want different things and wouldn't pair well.
That's the point of the asking. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Through the years, there's been several iterations. It doesn't matter how you ask, men get offended. It's kind of ironically funny, if you think about it.
Right? Men whinge on and on about how women don't understand how hard it is to approach. The burden is solely on them. Blah blah blah. All women have to do is show up.
Okay, so you go on the date and the guy is all excited, usually he's suffering from love buzz or crush buzz. So he's a bit spazzy and all awkward. Cool. Whatever. But that means you, the girl, have to carry the conversation and set the tone, right? Cause you're the one who's been socialized to prioritize social skills and he's punch drunk.
But you don't really know him! You just 'met' the other day when he asked you out after you matched on a dating app or met in town somewhere. It might even be a blind date.
You know his name. Hopefully. That he likes whatever rock band tshirt he was wearing and a few other disjointed details.
So you gotta get this part started. You say, "tell me about yourself". He gets offended. He wants to date not interview for a job.
Okay. So you ask the next guy, "what do you do for a living." He gets offended. He's more than a paycheck.
Okay. So you ask the next guy, "what do you do for fun?" He gets offended. He's not a child and he wants to be taken seriously.
Okay. So you ask the next guy, "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" He gets offended. He doesn't want to live life by vision board or be judged because he doesn't have a 5 year plan at the tender age of 25.
Okay. So you ask the next guy, "why should I date you?" He gets offended. Were you suggesting he's not good enough for you? Then why did you say yes? Free meal?
Okay. So you ask the next guy, "what do you bring to the table?" He gets offended.....
Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh!
What becomes clear here is that no matter how you phrase that opening question to get him talking so you can get to know him, it's going to be wrong and there's going to be some kind of collective meltdown about it amongst the male population.
And you are in that hot seat with no way out but through. Best buckle up and make sure you've got your safety padding and gear. Lol.
