This is my problem with porn as well. I agree it's not an addiction, but it is behavioral programming. I've experienced a lot of the things you describe as well. Men arguing against a firm no, telling you what you'll like or not, pressuring porn acts, demanding you fulfill ridiculous fantasies to prove you love them, being unable to be satisfied with normal healthy sex, or suggesting you lose weight or get in shape (increase flexibility) because they want to do X to you.
Comes back down to rabbit holes and algorithms like everything internet does these days. Ultimately, it's going to follow revenue, which means more eyeballs, which means more shocking, more extreme, more sensational.
That's what's feeding the behavioral programming.