This is emotional ambivalence. Holding two emotions in equal measure, without one overshadowing the other.

Feeling both love and hate at the same time, in more or less equal measure, though one may be expressed more at a given time than the other.

Emotional ambivalence is a huge part of why I women feel hated by men, because you're right...you boys are a mess.

Hang in there. I gotta take this in chunks.

Youre feeling a little provoked and have built and fortified yourself a logic bunker. Bad design though.