There’s truth in that too.
Still kinda comes down to the same kernel though. Culture is created and is mostly an affect of the collective mind. We all paint brush strokes on the canvas of culture every day. Culture is like a film or wrapping that lays over all the other aspects of our humanity. It can be changed. No doubt, our current culture is an ill fitting covering and should be reevaluated. That’s a choice we make both collectively and as individuals.
So… you’re an adolescent boy learning to have sex by watching porn. You meet a girl and try to get your jiggy on. It doesn’t work, she’s not interested. You did everything the guy in the porn vid did. You crashed and burned.
Head scratcher. Try again. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. What gives? You can’t get past 0:n where n=number of attempts.
At some point you’ve got to ask yourself why isn’t it working? You go back to the porn videos for a second look. You notice that it’s really fake. These people might even be actors who are performing for pay. This isn’t reality. It’s not real people demonstrating real courting behaviors. It’s fantasy. Hmm. What your culture is selling you is a bad product model because it doesn’t work in real life. Huh. Who knew?
Think. Think. Think.
At this point you make a choice. You either latch on to that fantasy and make yourself crazy over why it’s not coming true for you. You ramble on the internet about alphas, betas, and gammas; and how cruel and evil women are, just denying you the blow jobs and what not you’re owed. You start thinking about getting even with those bitches. You troll women online and start buying guns with money your mother gave you to help you get a job.
Or….
You unplug for a while. You go out into the real world and watch couples surreptitiously. And you see in real time the copious evidence that there are PLENTY of guys out there who are no more buff and good looking than you with a woman happy to be in his arms. There are PLENTY of guys out there who are better looking and buffer than you standing around alone or with an unhappy, unfulfilled, bored looking woman glancing surreptitiously and wistfully at the man next to one of those smiling, happy woman.
So now you’re developing a baseline of what works and what doesn’t. What works long term and what might work short term. From real life observations.
That’s real, modern anthropology. It doesn’t matter what simian relatives do or the life histories of other species. They’re not human. Similarities between species may give ideas that lead to understanding, but they’re not equivalent and should never be treated as such, even amongst other apes and primates. It doesn’t matter what gets said in church or school, how it happens in the movies or in porn. It doesn’t matter what you see in magazines.
You befriend guys who are successful and learn why they’re successful. You adopt and tailor their strategy to yourself. You stop looking at women like they’re little more than maids and dolls there to clean up after you and service your sexual needs. You start treating them like human beings.
You wonder why you never realized they actually are human beings. (🤷). Imperfect. Same as you. You embrace the imperfections and start to appreciate them instead of thinking you’re getting cheated or having to settle because “airbrushed" isn’t a variety of real women.
You meet a girl. You talk to her in an unboorish, respectful manner. She’s actually willing to engage in conversation. Turns out, you have common interests. She thinks you’re funny and cute. She agrees to a date. She seems happy and excited you asked her out. You take her out and make sure she has a good time. At the end of the date, you thank her for her time and ask her out again. She says yes.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Not just metaphor this time. You’re actually showering and grooming again.
A little time goes by.
Dude! Who’s that on your arm? You got a girlfriend?!?!?
Good for you. You found and employed a strategy that actually has a prayer in hell of working. You made yourself desirable and attractive to a potential mate.
See, it’s still that same little kernel. Life is a series of choices. If the choices and strategies you’re using aren’t working to get you what you want you’re best bet to be successful is to reevaluate, rethink, restrategize, and try again. Forget what culture, porn, or Hollywood “tells” you; those things are all mostly marketing and propaganda in the first place.
I grant you that there will be obstacles and it’s not as easy as what gets laid out in a short comment. There will be effort, hard work, and time involved. There is still no guarantee of success, certainly not immediate success. There will still be some failure. It’s a kernel. A seed to be planted.
But, you’ll never have a chance to harvest success at all if you don’t plant that damn kernel. That’s as true for dating and relationships as it is for anything else.
