Then they need to be trustworthy in relationships and they need TO matter, not just expect to be told they do. And that need can't be based on force, compulsuon, or coercion or it will nevery be anything but a facade, an ego prop for mediocrity.

You see the same things in women who buy into and invest in patriarchal ideas. It lands a little differently along gender lines, but ultimately it's the same things. Patriarchy weaponizes core identities against you and then feeds off the misery and immiserstion that results. Patriarchy is a scavenger social economy. Always has been. Always will be.