The divide isn't just around gender, nobody said it was. There are men who value autonomy and choice just as there are women who are more authoritarian in nature and think they have the right to tell someone else how to be.

That's what it comes down to.

This conversation got started around the parameters of an authoritarian minded man telling women what that their standards are too high. But make no mistake, there are men who come to a relationship ship in all good faith and then find themselves attached to someone who is domineering and emotionally abusive. Their lives are wrecked and isolating because of it.

Grasp this. I'm not claiming otherwise.

The solution is not force. The solution is to leave those people to each other and they can manipulate and use each other to their little hearts content. Because that's what they want. That's a match with matching standards. Or, they can end up alone. Evolution at work.

The solution is to respect the agency and personhood of others, protect and utilize your own, and suppress/socially censure or punish/not normalize manipulative, coercion, controlling, and threatening behavior in gender and sexual dynamics. Long term, you want to end up with someone who's not going to use up your life in any way. You want someone who's going to add to it.

That's going to look different for everyone and there's some play and compromise there, of course. That's why honesty, openness, and integrity are so important.

Leave the selfish people to destroy each other. Choose better. Practice discernment. Invest in educating yourself about boundaries, consent, and negotiation. Handle your shame and put it where it belongs.