That's the thing. That's what you're xontinualky missing. It's not the acquisition you're deserving and worthy of. You're also certainly never guaranteed successful acquisition.

You're worthy and deserving of the opportunity to try. The same as everyone.

I do think your insistence on using dating apps is akin to looking for deer at the bottom of a lake.

I also think you're misfiring in various ways. Mostly because you're overly wound up about it. You waste a lot of energy and you've created this fantasy about worth that by design forces any potential daye to play along and that virtually guarantees failure, especially as a submissive. There aren't many Dommes in the first place. How many of that alteadt limited number do you think want to deal with a guy trying to top from the bottom? That whole dynamic is about them being catered to, not xonstantly having to do this song and dance of performative femininity to build up your ego. You should know your place, which is to be of service.

In all these articles, it's always about how you feel unloved and unworthy and everyone's a liar. Very little is ever said about the other side of that. That's incredibly telling.

That said, I do hope you give up. At least for a good long while. I truly don't believe you stand a chance as long as you're in that headspace. There's no sense continuing to beat your head against the same wall.

You need a break and to learn to be okay with yourself. Just live your life for a while. They only problem is you spiralling again and thinking suicidally again.