That's a big part of it, I think. I can't be sure because I can't see from inside the minds of men, but based on what they say, I'd agree that what lands on women as sexual validation is wildly different than what men think is sexually validating.

I'm saying yes, men can sexually validate women without coming across as creepy or threatening. There are some men who are capable of doing this. So no, I'm not suggesting men are incapable of subtlety or cognitively limited. I'm suggesting that they engage with others in a manner that is akin to having blinders on. Whether that is a choice they make or one that is made for them, is arguably. My argument is both because I do believe the powerful influence of social conditioning is hard to combat. But it is possible. I also recognize that many men have no desire to.

I'm on my way to work right now, btw. Anyway, as it happens, I stopped by a convenience store on my way to the bus stop to get some cash for bus fare. I'm a regular customer there and have a rapport with the cashiers. So anyway, I'm running late, as usual, so I blow in at pace if you know what I mean with my usual "good morning" and you know, the usual smile and wave at the staff, all the things. I startled the fellas at the cash register who were paying for gas. (hee hee). I go grab a muffin for breakfast cause I missed breakfast (again) and there's a guy back there who's a companion to the guys up front fixing himself some coffee in that same back corner of the store. It's a small store, so he saw me come in, right?

He smiles and says, "you're bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning." He's stirring his coffee, not looking at me directly. But he's grinning kinda impishly.

I gotta go in and fire up the system and get everyone logged on and to work. Will come back and finish.
.......

Okay, so the guy's grinning, just grinning. Not lasciviously or wolfishly or rakishly. Just a pleased grin. Not taking his eyes off his coffee.

I chuckle and say, "I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed nearly every morning."

He says, "That's what I like to see. Yeeees." Then he looks me square in the eye for a long beat, smiles broadly and in earnest (all the way through his eyes) and says, "you have a wonderful day miss".

And he turns to leave. That was it.

You're at a disadvantage here because the written word does not showcase tone and things as well as video or stage performance.

That kinda impish smile while he's studiously over focused on his coffee was him flirting.

Obviously, I flirted back.

The tone of when he said 'yeeees', the way he drew it out, and the way he looked me square in the eye with just a hint of desire was the sexual validation.

That's all it took. More than enough. And again, notice and appreciate the subtlety. How personal space was not intruded upon. How it's a private conversation.

I'm still grinning myself about it. In fact, when I was authenticating my team this morning, two said, "you're in a good mood this morning!". First thing that was said. I didn't say or do anything different, and yet people noticed.

I mean, I wasn't in a bad mood before, I'm usually not. But I do have that buoyancy in my mood of being seen, recognized....validated as worthy of attention and desire.

Catcalling and cold approaches never make me feel like this. I don't think they do anybody. You really have to do some pretzeled up mental gymnastics to get there. So I, and many women, are at a complete loss as to why some men do this. It doesn't get you anything but a bad reputation and resentment. Yet there are always hordes of guys who continually do it, making life unnecessarily harder for the rest of you.