Thanks, I guess.

All I can say is that unlike 90%+ (seems like) of other parents, I pursued motherhood.

It wasn't something that I let passively happen to me because of expectations or negligence on my part and it wasn't foisted upon me by various failures.

I chose it. When I was ready for it.

I also chose it, not for status or prestige, not to earn points with God, not because someone else said it was great and "my purpose" or to figure out what love is, or any of that bullshit.

I chose it because I had been on the receiving end of that relationship withy grandmother (love, care, guidance, hopes, having someone in your corner no matter what) and I wanted to experience the other side of that relationship and felt I could do a decent job of it.

In my opinion, anything other than that framework does not lead to a good dynamic.

Children aren't dolls, trophies, or sacrifices/soldiers for Jesus.

Even so, I've made my share of mistakes, missed the mark, tried my best and failed in what I thought would work, had to adapt, and try again.

I made promises to her when she was born though. They had to be fulfilled. Whatever it took. One of those promises was to give her a fighting chance in the world to do well for herself.

Being a parent is serious business. It is not for the weak willed or the faint of heart. You can't be wishy washy about the important stuff and everyone in the world is trying to convince you of this, that, or the other that will, ultimately, service them via your child. So you've got to keep your spine stiff and stay focused on what's important.

That relationship.