Sooner or later she’s going to leave him too. That’s usually how these things go. When she does, there’s a good chance he’ll try to come crawling back. If you refuse him, his next trick will be to use your daughter in an attempt to force a relationship.

If he doesn’t want a reconciliation, he’ll suddenly remember he has a child he now misses and want to just “be her Dad”. He’ll guilt trip you about depriving her of a father.

Trouble is, he failed to protect her from an unstable lover once already. And he’s had a chance to learn a lot of harassment tricks. He could tie you up in court for years with one petty custody suit after another. He could try to take her from you for spite by claimint you’re unfit. Happens all the time.

Now that you’re out of the state and moving on with your life, my (unsolicited) advice is to work toward severing his parental rights. See what the requirements are in your state. Most states have a child abandonment clause of 6 months or so.

Here’s the thing… a severance of parental rights will prevent him from harassing you through the courts in the future. It does not mean he can never see his child again or build a relationship with her. It puts that decision in your hands which after what you’ve been through is where it should be. It gives you the option to require counseling on his part for one, or co-parenting after divorce classes, etc. It also allows you to keep any further loonies he might fall head over heels with out of your and your daughter’s lives.

A lot of people will respond negatively to this suggestion as being female vindictiveness or whatever. but think about it. It’s not about getting even, it’s about protecting your child from a parent who has made bad, damaging, and potentially deadly choices over the well-being of your child. It’s not vindictiveness to require he prove that whatever mental/hormonal/emotional path he went down to think that was ever okay won’t happen again.

Until then, protect your child and yourself by whatever means you have available.