Sadly, the parenting advice does not end as your child grows. It lessens. And the topics shift. I try not to discuss it at all anymore unless I’m specifically looking for help. I’m particularly suspicious of advice that comes from certain sources (like male child psychologists who never actually had any children).

So if someone gets pushy with this boundary, I’ll just shift the conversation away if I can and if not, flip it by asking them what they do and then immediately tell them why that won’t work for me. At some point if boundaries are so blatantly disrespected after very obvious social cues of “back off” people should expect some pushback. I’ve found the above method pretty effective in quelling this passive aggressive behavior.

I’ve also gotten the guilt trip chiding for my own return aggression (“they were just trying to help”). But then something happened —mostly witnessed but tangentally involving my child—which really opened my eyes. All this “help”, most especially from people in your orbit who have no business giving this advice actually can turn motherhood into a living, daily, nightmare.

They say these things right in front of your child. As your child gets older, it undermines your kid’s confidence in your leadership as well as your own confidence. They are actually teaching your child to disrespect you as their mother. Suddenly everything becomes a battle. They can become extremely uncooperative because they’ve learned that you’ll clean up the mess and make the apologies and no one will call them out for their bad behavior, but they will jump right in with calling you a bad mom (either outright or with scornful looks). They learn very early on the guilt burden on moms exists and how to use it.

So now, for me at least, my attitude is that unless you’re going to come live in my house and do all the management, planning, cleaning, homework help, cooking, laundry, etc, don’t tell me what you think I’m doing wrong. I don’t care to hear it. If I think you’ve for something down I want to try or learn about, I’ll ask. You are not obliged to engage if you don’t want to. I’m not obliged to take your advice if I think it won’t work for me. And I don’t feel guilty about it.