Pig Latin. I vote pig Latin.

Weather anchor: Folks, tomorrow we'll be back to more of our usual sunny weather, though we should all be preparing as much as we can for more anomalous events like a hurricane actually landing on the west coast due to breakdown of ocean currents and other reorderings of our formerly stable weather patterns, also known as LimateCay HangeCay. Y'all stay safe out there digging out all that mud now, ya'here? Keep that shovel handy. Good chance you'll need it again much sooner than the 1000 years from now advertised."