Perhaps it wasn't as much about being labeled white as you think. That's just a descriptor, like being blonde or brown eyed or freckled.

Perhaps it was more about the pointing out of white privilege and the way it came off. Some people don't want to admit they have it, others think they can and have lost it by being more inclusive. Others, were never comfortable with it, from the moment they discovered it. They don't want it, they don't like it, but they can't give it back either. They would in a heartbeat I'd they could. It's like a big giant hairy wart on your faith or other disfigurement that to have baldly or dismissively pointed out can be shocking or hurtful. It can feel like bullying.

I don't know this woman or you and I wasn't there, so I can't say with any certainty. Could be any one of those, or it could be something else entirely. Just trying to offer a different perspective you might not have thought of while missing your friend, and being shocked yourself.

I do hope you and your friend are able to mend fences. Good friends are hard to come by and it sounds like you two were good friends.

All my best to you both.