Okay. Sure.

You didn’t misunderstand what I said.

You do have a fundamental misunderstanding around "implications". I believe this misunderstanding is due to patriarchal beliefs on your part and on the part of women who behave this way. You articulated the root of that belief quite well. That men are responsible for the action of women.

But. That’s bullshit. It’s fundamentally false and harmful and it wasn’t where I was going with that.

Let me give you an example. The Manson Girls. They committed horrible acts and brutal murders. They did it at the behest and benefit of Charles Manson ... and to curry favor with him over each other. They wanted to be his special girl.

They still went to prison for a really long time, life in at least one case. As it should be.

Because what they did was evil. Full stop.

It’s true that they were abuse victims of a narcissistic psychopath. But, they still acted from a place of free will. They still committed atrocities. They made their choice and all of them had a chance to leave that cult or call the police. They all considered it and chose to stay.

I can have some empathy for them for falling into that situation not knowing how far over their heads they were. The drugs. Being swayed by his charismatic personality. Being young and naive, especially about psychopathy, etc.

And still recognize that in the end they chose and acted with evil. It was their choice so they are responsible.

Listing the reasons why someone did something wrong is an act of empathy. It’s an olive branch for communication and redemption for someone, who maybe relates, to challenge their own thinking. It is not an excuse or an abdication of responsibility.

See the difference?

You know, the fact that you picked up on that in the way that you did is proof of how deeply ingrained and indoctrinated we have all been. You’ve received messaging your whole life that to be a man you have to take care of (be responsible for) women. The “responsible for" is unconsciously attached to defining yourself as a man. And also that all the space, is yours.

It didn’t occur to you to read that sentence through a woman’s eyes, who’s maybe still stuck in that same indoctrination. Or that "care" does not make you responsible for someone breaking the law or being abusive. It’s impossible, you can’t do it. You can’t monitor someone 24/7 forever to keep them from doing something they want to do, good or bad.

So… why should any of us be expected to do the impossible? Why should we place that burden on our own shoulders? Even out of love? Or for God? Or because when we were children our authority figures told us we had to?

It’s still going to be impossible and it will hurt us.