Not sure how "heroism" was brought into this. Being a provider and protector isn't about being a hero. It's about being an active participant and contributor in a family, a community, a city, a nation.

It's about the choice to not be an island unto yourself or to be an identity tyrant who takes based on that identity but never gives.

If you feel bad about being a man, then your perception of manhood is askance somehow. Don't blame women for that or for picking up on it and then wanting to avoid you. If you can't stand yourself, why should anyone else?