No. It depends. Is it a party? Is it a study date? Is it a working date, something like you have agreed to do something for charity or build something in the garage or something like that and hang out afterwards? Is it a picnic in the backyard because one party has a pond or lives next to a creek or something? Is it a stargazing or eclipse watching date?

This can be a good date. A very good date. It depends. Just because something is at your house, doesn't mean that it's low effort or unplanned.

Women would be incensed if men complained about low effort when you invited them over for dinner and cooked for them.

That list is bullshit.

Effort doesn't have to be a display of cash. I understand the concept of and need for more effort from men. The bar has been on the floor for far too long.

But effort can be displayed by time. Mindfulness. Engagement. Enthusiasm. Attitude.

I went to Denny's for a late lunch/early supper combo a couple of weeks ago. I struck up a conversation with a modern day industrial millwright. He travels the country and fixes large manufacturing machines. He was interesting and open to other people's experiences and lives. We ended up talking for over two hours. This wasn't a date, he's happily married and I'm not looking for a boyfriend. This was a conversation from a random meeting of strangers. There was nothing sexual about it. I wanna be clear about that.

Years ago I went on a date with a guy to a different Denny's and he sat in a booth across from me the entire time practicing being taciturn and moody, which was weird because he asked me out and nobody made him. He chose the venue. Trying to get him to say two words was like pulling teeth. He seemed like he was resentfully enduring any amount of socializinf till he could get t the part he really wanted.

Too bad I couldn't have swapped those guys out.

Was the problem the venue or was it the difference in attitudes of the two men?

Exactly.