No, I don't think you're advocating for patriarchy. I think fundamentally misunderstand a few things, most men do.

You're not being blamed for what other men do.

The point here is that the "shifty behavior" will continue as long as Patriarchy does. It is a feature of the system, not a bug.

The point is that it's not just men engaging in "shitty behavior". Women have their versions too. Again, it's a feature of the system, not a bug.

It will not matter how many "viable alternatives" men are provided to look up to. You're actually not lacking any now. They just don't get air time because they're not a representation of what the system desires. Same as with women.

The only way to stop feeling shitty and demonized about being men is to start turning away from that system and stsrt rediscosering yourselves as younwere meant to be instead of what that systems keeps trying to mold you into.

You have to choose tonstop being a lump of clay molded into someone else's desires and learn to be okay with yourself and proud of your own fire.

It's the only way and it comes from within. Not role models presented to you.