SC
2 min readSep 18, 2020

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My dad used to say you could count the number of real friends you’d have in your life on one hand. People who would truly have your back, people you would stand by no matter what.

Everyone else is really an associate, a hangout buddy, a useful or transient person in your life, etc.

I think Facebook has lifted the veil on that truth a lot. It can be incredibly lonely and isolating at first. But then, you learn what to look for, and you put your energy into relationships that matter. You delete Facebook or use it for professional reasons only. You move on, wiser and stronger.

This whole exchange brought up something interesting. To CF, your grandmother may have been an anchor point to cope with and survive their own abuse which they mentioned. Hence the strangely forceful reaction to someone who barely should have registered for them being “disparaged”. Because CF sees Grandma as a savior figure, someone who cares, they can’t see G’ma as being someone capable of abusing someone else or engaging in a different kind of abuse. It would mean having to admit that the “care” expressed toward them was an act to hide their own abusive conduct at worst, or acknowledging feelings that knowledge engenders which will be very uncomfortable at best. CF can’t get there.

It’s an important lesson for the rest of us.

A person can speak or act against one type of abuse (physical) and yet be incredibly abusive (emotional, neglect) in their own house.

Abusers are incredibly adept at hiding. This is a good way to do it and they lose nothing by doing it. No one would think…

Abusers often target specific victims, either family members or they have a “type”. They behave absolutely normally to everyone else, but the target sees the monster inside, or the abnormal and abusive behavior.

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