Meh. There's not really a straight shot answer to that.

I don't believe in staying in relationships, even marriages, that are lop sided or are detrimental to your life. I'm not one of those women that will be the only one that keeps trying for twenty years to make it work.

There are certain things you learn to look out for in relationships with men, as a woman. I'm sure men have the same sorts of things.

So, like it or not, if you want to have a good relationship and you want to keep a good relationship healthy, then it's necessary to evaluate things.

So it's troubling to hear men take such a hard-line view of what is necessary. It's like they're all saying they don't care about the state of their relationships and families.

That said, I definitely prefer the word and connotation of 'evaluate' over 'test'.

You generally know about a test beforehand and the word is anxiety inducing. Pass or fail. It's not a good way to think about it.

Evaluate, on the other hand, mostly happens in the background. It's not one moment that's makes or breaks you. It's your entire history held up to the light. It's not a judgement of the moral failure of one person, but judging the potential failure points of the relationship, same as you evaluate a bridge for safety or how an 14 point inspection during an oil change ensures everything is in working order and at max efficiency in your car.

I don't like what Influencers have done with the Orange Peel test. It's bullshit.

That said, taken as an idea to think about that history, and not a pass or fail test, it's got some merit. Especially since women are socialized in certain ways that makes those considerations unduly difficult for a lot of us, to our detriment. It's a decent training aid, in that regard.

And before you ask, yes. I also believe men who are in or want to be in truly loving relationships, need to be evaluating too.

No one who's serious about valuing their relationship need fear being evaluated or being held accountable to keeping it healthy.

Anyone who balks at that, man or woman, isn't fit to be in one because they will let you down in the end.

That's how I think on it. But no, I wouldn't orange peel "test" to play games.