Meh. She's using the word chivalry as an expression of tenderness by small acts of service.

The current trend on TikTok is the orange peel test. Will your partner peel an orange for you if you ask him to? And you'd be surprised how many men are failing this simple test.

Okay, so tenderness good. Chivalry in a classical sense, not so much, and not so tender. It's about something else.

The thing with classical chivalry is it was performative. It might have started out like above, or not, but it became a burden on everyone. The infamous door scenario, right?

If I'm being barred or shamed from doing for myself a very simple thing like opening a door based solely on my gender and the act becomes a way for you "prove yourself", then that's an unnecessary burden of performative sexism on both of us.

Partly because opening a door doesn't prove a goddamn thing except that you can open a door. Whoop-te-do. So can literally almost everyone else. Do you really need some sort of commemorative recognition for opening a door? Did you tie your own shoelaces too? Do you need a medal for that as well?

That said, if you're at a door already and you see me coming and you hold the door for me, I'm gonna say thank you. That was polite and an unexpected act of kindness. Unexpected being the key word there. I'm not entitled to expect you open a door for me.

And guess what? I'll do the same for you. Why the fuck not? You seem like a nice guy. It doesn't put me out. Maybe it'll elevate your day in some small way. Or mine. Small acts of kindness between strangers maintain large scale social bonds. And look at that, were a social species.

Bingo! There we go.

The point here is that that small kindness of holding a door for someone, that act that literally (nearly) everyone can do, should not be gendered. It should be universally given and received. Why should you be excluded from societal kindness and being seen and valued ..... just because you're a man? That sucks.

And I don't want to be an entitled burden to you either. It sucks.

And yet...do you have any idea how many men have lost their damn shit because I held a door for them? It's just sad.

I'm sure you can say the same about over the top rejection of the offer.

Why can't we just give and receive that kindness? Why does it have to be gendered like that? It just makes us all resentful in the end when it's like that.

A simple act of kindness should not cause such angst and anxiety that opening a damned door causes an existential crisis for anyone and everyone. It's a damned door.

Chivalry based on gendered performance behaviors as a validation of status did that.

Chivalry can kiss my ass. Here, let me get that door for ya?