It’s odd that people can’t help but pigeonhole history. I don’t see why both can’t be true. Relationships are complicated and they change over time. That’s true today as it was then.
It was not uncommon that a young woman of 14 would be sexually active at the time. Adulthood was generally considered to be about 16 but many young women were married off much earlier. There’s also the unsavory point that female slaves make more slaves which were of value. So it’s not outside the bounds of common sense that as soon as a slave girl was of physical maturity such production would be encouraged — one way or the other.
That fact doesn’t negate any affection they held for each other over time or erase any reason for consent outside the lens of “love”. Few women married for love as we think of it today. Their sexual relationships we’re about economic security since they were barred from economic activity in their own right. That was true of all women at the time. Sally would have faced those considerations as well. You also chose to stage your children for success. How you felt about the guy was kinda down the list. Lots of times, you didn’t know him at all beyond his reputation and portfolio when you married him. Mostly it was all arranged “on your behalf” to further agendas between families regardless of how you felt about it. Sally, having grown up with the family at least knew his character. So she did have that over many white women of the time — a leg up on how to deal with him (appease, keep yourself from harm).
It’s entirely within reason that at 14 she had no choice and did not consent. That she made the most of it and curried his favor to improve her situation, that he loved her but she was just making the best life for herself that she could, that she discovered her 1st pregnancy in France which changed her mind about staying. It’s entirely within reason that she negotiated future freedom for her children right then and there in exchange for her return, that Jefferson was smitten due to resemblance at first but grew to love her more for herself over the years and that she grew to love and respect him as well. He gave her something few slave women at the time had. A future, an education, and freedom for her children — even the female ones.
But that doesn’t mean they didn’t get there through slavery and rape. It doesn’t mean that lack of choice means absolute lack of agency either. It doesn’t make it okay and love doesn’t actually redeem all. Love can grow from wreckage though. Relationships are complicated. The longer they are, the more complicated they become.
