It’s not. It’s sleep deprivation, intense guilt, feeling of insecurity, shame, isolation, and erasure.

Remember me commenting on a past article about my friend who has a colicky baby ending up an alcoholic?

Her sister had a new mom in her circle of friends with a colicky baby too. She ended up cutting herself. Same problems.

I was a colicky baby and my mom always low key resented me.

Your friend needs sleep, grace — tons and tons of grace , breaks from the crying, support, positive affirmation that she’s not a bad mother, release from the inevitable guilt, reminders that it won’t last because the baby will grow past this stage, a positive place to put the rage even if that’s just going outside and screaming at a tree for a while, and staying away from anything that might be addictive for a while.

Both parents on that last one in particular, they’re both extremely vulnerable right now.

Colicky babies are rough. It’s four to six month of straight up torture. That’s a hard row to hoe for anyone. A colicky baby can break a seal team.

And also, all of us need to stop gaslighting parents having a rough go of it. If we can’t say something truly supportive, like an offer to spell them a bit, we need to keep our fucking mouths shut.