It's not a fucking spectrum. You want to dote, go dote. Who's stopping you?

I dote too.

It does sound to me like you need to get your tendency to appease people who don't matter under control. And put some thinking in on why you think self examination leads to "rules" for somebody else to be disappointed in you over and another reason why you're not 'good enough'.

Feminism should be helping you with that, not burdening you more. But, realize, it's because you've gotten lost in the weeds somewhere in your thinking, and not because of feminism being a standard that's impossible to meet, being onerous, or any of that.