It was the same with my grandmother. She was dying of liver failure and couldn't get strong enough pain meds to not be in agony. But they won't let you die either. It's torture. For the dying and the loved ones who have to watch and take care of dying family.

It changed me, as I was her primary caregiver during this last stage of her life. I'm still not afraid if dying; that's never been an issue for me. I am concerned about not dying efficiently and worried about the stress on my family if that is my fate.

Somehow or other, I got the idea that you had beaten your cancer. This post suggests that's not the case and the end is drawing nearer. I'm very sad to hear that; I will miss you when you're gone (if that's the case) as I truly enjoy your ramblings.

Be well Steve.