It goes beyond that. Like I said, I get the sense of betrayal. To a great extent, I agree with it.
It's not about individual battles or engaging with close minded people. On that I agree with you. You have to pick your battles. One cannot fight effectively forever. Trying to do so males it about the fighting, not the change.
It is about a measure of collective responsibility to each other, that's what we mean by the upholding the Commons. We're talking about the basic idea of looking out for each other's safety and well being like a good Samaritan.
This is where men betray women time and time again. It happens because misogyny is so pervasive in our culture, do inance hierarchy skews interactions toward winner take all competition rather than collaboration, and because to a great extent there's still this idea of women being viewed as property, not people.
This is where "what was she wearing?" lives. This is where #NotAllMen lives. This is what got a known rapist elected to high office, and 2 sitting on the high bench.
It matters to the everyday lives of women in ways men just can't seem to fathom. I don't think they care to, because they sure are making that loud and clear.
I was watching a hidden camera clip the other day. A young woman is at an outdoor cafe working on her laptop amongst tables filled with young men. A man approaches her, intruding on her space. She politely tries to brush him off but he won't leave her alone so she decides to leave. She packs her things and busses her table. While she's dumping her trash, he spikes her iced coffee. A few of the surrounding young men very obviously notice. None of them say or do anything. It wouldn't take much. You don't have to fight the guy. There's plenty of options.
They know she's about to come to serious harm and they do nothing.
And it's always like this. It was the waitress who warned her. We protect each other. Men do not protect us. Men do not uphold the Commons for everyone. They use the Commons for their benefit, be it public space or within their individual homes. But it's almost always a withdrawal, rarely a deposit.
This is the betrayal.
To be fair, I don't blame men for this as much as I believe this is mostly on us women. You men have been saying for decades how basic and what you see is what you get you are. We always insisted on seeing more, what isn't really there, thinking and believing better of you.
That seems to be shifting now. More of us are taking you at your word, and seeing what you're showing us, and conducting ourselves accordingly.
The collective howl about it coming from men is kinda funny.
