In the first place, I don’t think men are inherently awful. I think there are too many awful men being really loud and proud about their awfulness. That’s not the same thing.

I think I would feel very much the same if Urchling had been born male. A huge part of the reason for that is that I’ve been blessed with some really stellar examples of manhood and masculinity in my own life growing up. Let me just say that what the influencers and what’s being marketed on media as manhood is not what these men were or what they wanted to be. Most of them were special forces too. Green Berets, Rangers, Seals…you feel me? When that happens you have a low tolerance for "man box" ideology because you know better. When it’s normal for you to have seen Rangers nuzzling their babies and putting ribbons on their daughter’s dog ear ponytails growing up, you just don’t buy today’s propaganda bullshit. You’ve lived different. You expect better from men in general because you know they’re capable and accepting less seems like disrespecting them, devaluing them, and dehumanizing them. How could you do that to someone you claim to love?

It hurts. Like, physically hurts that so many men are so hell bent on doing that to themselves. It’s weird that women like me want better for them than they want for themselves because they follow some charlatan on the internet looking to make a buck off them and their insecurities. And they believe those fools contrary to all good advise, good sense, or their own eyes that would prove to them differently if they would just open them and take a look around without that chip on their shoulder. How’d we get here?

The men in my life were there for me for the most part. No, the misogyny I got mostly came from certain female members of the family.

Surprised?

One of the things that feminism often misses, in my opinion, is a failure to address patriarchal indoctrination at our mother’s knee as small girls.

If the men in my life had any major failings in this regard, it was a failure to intervene enough and stop that indoctrination, even though they have all later said it made them incredibly uneasy. They knew something was off, and did nothing.

Well, guess what our brothers are also getting? Only it’s reversed usually. Mom is failing to intervene when Dad goes man box gender gestapo.

In my particular case, thank the fucking maker for Grandma. You know what I mean?

So... I converse with you and other male writers fairly regular. I don’t have a problem with men or manhood or being masculine.

I just don’t buy into a lot of gendered nonsense. If one tries to shove it down my throat, I’m going to projectile vomit it back all over them because their ideologies are emetic and wacked out. Maybe they’ll learn eventually.

I’m irritated with these men because they’re always in my face. I’m frustrated with these men because they won’t leave me alone and mind their own business. They seem to think their personal problems should be my burden to bear, but it’s my choice to try to help who I think I can and want to spend time and energy on. They’re rude, obnoxious and disrespectful. The obnoxious entitlement is beyond the pale.

I’m saddened that so many of them are blindly repeating influencer and MRA crap instead of doing anything to help themselves or even think for themselves. Blaming women for all of their problems is a substitute to actually addressing their problems they never pass up.

If Urchling had been a boy she wouldn’t be coming at young women like an addict looking for their next fix and then having a withdrawal-like meltdown when the answer is no. She wouldn’t be prancing around like she’s owed sex or whining that women are being mean to her and her life has no value if she hasn’t met a woman who wants to date her yet. She’d take rejection with grace but I doubt she’d get rejected much because I would have taught her how to fucking date even if she was a boy. Actually, most especially if she was a boy because it’s crystal clear she wouldn’t have gotten such crucial education from anyone else who knows what the fuck they’re talking about.

Basically, she would have gotten much the same life education she’s had and is still getting now.

I don’t just talk to her about bad men to watch out for and how to deal with them, you know. I talk to her about what’s sexually pleasing to men too. About how to talk about things when they’re uncomfortable. About how to be a good partner, if that’s what she wants. I talk about how men have body shame too and how to counteract that so they’ll be happier in their lives. About being playful and when to leave them alone. All of it.

I’m her Momma. This is a liberal household. No discussion is off limits or not allowed. No stone is left unturned when it wants examination.