In regards to your friend, you're right it sucks. Infidelity and betrayal always does. Who cares what society expects? "Society" is not the one who will have to live with the consequences here. He is.

He's got two choices here, the same ones everyone in this situation has. No one can decide for him. He either needs to accept the mantle or he needs to end the relationship and move on. He can request the child be placed for adoption, but that's not solely up to him. He needs to be ready to walk away if she wants to keep it. If he decides to accept the mantle, he needs to go all in. Plenty of men do. For perspective, my father spent years thinking I wasn't biologically his. I never knew and he didn't treat me any different. He was there and he's my dad. DNA test once I was an adult proved I'm his. Just want you to understand I'm not being callous or judgy here. I get it.

Some men can't do that though. Biology matters more to them. That's not wrong, but they're the only ones who know their own heart. If you can't set biology aside and pick up that mantle in it's entirety, you should probably walk away. There's no shame in that either.

If he's not the father, has the biological father been notified? Does he want to be a part of the kid's life? Is this affair ongoing? Are there going to be more affairs?

All these things need to be weighed out and thought through calmly.

Nobody can tell him what he should do. He need time and peace to figure it out for himself.

As for what men are told by judges.... Well what they're being told is don't have (unprotected) sex, not never have sex. The unprotected part is inferred because we're all adults who know where and how babies are made. Judges are harsh in their language because they see case after case after case of men traipsing through acting like they don't know where babies come from. Like sex is consequence free. Like the consequence should be all the woman's. Like sge got herself pregnant and they bear zero responsibility after behaving recklessly and negligently.

Lets face it. It's time for many men to grow the fuck up. Saying that does not abdicate women from responsibility. It takes two to create life. Two. These are not virgin births. Why do so many men think they get a pass or they're being cheated in some way?

The difference is that when you slut shame a woman for getting pregnant you're making the assumption that she wanted to have sex and that she had a birth control failure or had access to birth control.

There is a bit of double standard here but there's overlap with a lot of other double standards that negatively impact the woman.

Namely that women are slut shamed for having sex but men are applauded and esteemed. It raises a man's social capital amongst his peers.

In the case of unplanned pregnancies, you're elevating the man for having had sex and excusing from consequences many times while shaming the woman who may or may not have had a choice in the sex act, may or may not have taken appropriate precautions that failed, may or may not have been educated appropriately, may or not have been allowed access to preventative measures.

Personally, I'm against slut shaming anyone, but if it's not going anywhere then men should get more of it because they absolutely need to Respec their sexuality and part in the reproductive process. A big part of what's going on with them overall is this attitude of chasing after sex like a crack addict. It needs to end.