I’m making two separate replies because this one in particular is something Urchling picked right up on. These are her notes.

Okay so you ask a girl out on a date. That signals interest. Then, she accepts. That signals her interest in turn. An equal reaction to the first action. Right?

You go on the date. You talk. But you won’t banter and you won’t send any more cues of interest, which should slowly level up in theory. If they don’t, it means a connection isn’t being established.

It’s your turn to act, she was the last to respond. She’s looking for those cues before returning any more of her own. So she’s thinking you’re not interested if you don’t level up.

These things move as action / reaction. You can’t skip your turn and then be mad that she doesn’t want to go out with you again. You’ve signaled to her by lack of signalling back and forth that you’re not interested in her.

It doesn’t have to be banter, could be a look, a smile, listening without interrupting, being interested in her instead of just talking about yourself, etc. All these things are social cues and signals. They mean something.

Action.

Reaction.

Action.

Reaction.

So if you just sit there and have a conversation like you would with anybody because you’re afraid of banter, you’re shooting yourself in the foot and suffering because of it.

You have to meet her half way and you can’t be so self absorbed that you’re the only one who determines where the meeting ground is. You also can’t expect her to meet you somewhere you haven’t given directions to or described. Women atent mind readers. If banter is a hard no for you, then you need to communicate that in a neutral fashion so she can adjust or make an informed next move.