I'd like to apply for a job as company sniper as job security is my most important employment criteria. I believe your company will be in business for the foreseeable future. Honestly, these days what grocery store can say that?

I'll be able to provide my professional qualifications upon your request, once I have received that pamphlet filled with industry specific intelligent catch phrases you promised, I mean.

Looking forward to hearing from you. I believe the synergy of our respective bullshit can easily become the primary driver of this company's success.

Yours,
SC