I was watching TikTok last night with my daughter and one of the artists she follows is a young man from UK. He’s been absent for a while so she was glad to see what he’s been working on.
The clip was an kind of apology video and detailed how he’s now being stalked by someone who has figured out where he lives. A "fan". This person sent him something disturbing in the mail but left their own identity anonymous.
Anyway, in the clip he said, "I know this is my fault, it’s got to be my fault..." implying that he had exposed himself to harm posting art content and was now therefore responsible for being the victim of someone else’s criminal behavior.
Well.
Urchling snapped up the tablet right quick to fire off a rebuttal to that statement. Her nostrils are flaring and she’s upset that this guy is victim blaming himself.
Right? Because this is bullshit. Obviously. Poor guy. He’s blaming himself for what’s happening to him that’s clearly not his fault anymore than it’s a bank manager’s fault if a bank robber decides to hit the bank he manages. There’s only so much any of us can reasonably be expected to do to keep ourselves safe. Those who would target you can always find a way through those defenses.
Scrolling through the comments of that video, Urchling’s response was one of thousands all saying the same things.
*Not your fault
*Nobody deserves to be stalked.
*You didn’t cause this.
*Don’t blame yourself. Blame the stalker.
*You’re not responsible for someone else’s choice to be a douchebag.
And so forth and so on. They were overwhelmingly from women. Overwhelmingly. Most of the male respondents encouraged notifying authorities and identified themselves as such or tangent to it in some way. Again, overwhelmingly.
And then there’s the trolls, right? Because trolls gotta troll. All male. And what were their responses?
*Pussy
*It’s cause you’re a fag (for doing art?)
*You’re going to get one up the ass. It’s just a matter of time.
*Cry-baby
And so forth and so on. Keep in mind, the sex of the stalker is unknown, but what was left looked like a Valentine card with stuff. So this is most likely erotomania, which means he’s dealing with a dangerous and mentally disturbed person.
Anyway, my point in conjunction with our discussion is that I actually agree with you in theory. However, in practicality it just doesn’t work that way. As we become more connected, that divide in response behavior to violence is seeping into all aspects of life and also, nobody keeps things to themselves anymore. There’s also a distinct difference in those who feel the need to make sure that everyone knows their opinion on everything and it is also somewhat gender skewed.
Yes, we know it’s not all men. But it is almost always men and it is also more than enough women. This particular time it happened to a man, a young man. Because it happened to a young man, some of the gaslighting was engineered around the idea that he must be gay and so therefore deserves to be scorned. I seem to recall him talking about a girlfriend at some point, so I don’t think he is. Not that it should matter, I’m just pointing out the bullshit moral equivocation of the gaslighting that’s always featured in one way or another. Always. For women, it’s that you’re a slut or a single mom, or some such nonsense.
Anyway, you’re talking about basic civility. I and most women completely agree with basic civility. Naturally. Who doesn’t?
I’m talking about this disgusting pecking behavior that gets levied at women and minorities and marginalized people. It’s always there, ever present; it’s insidious in where and how it pops up and that’s specifically the double standards that are being rejected. We’re at zero tolerance because we have to be. We know exactly where it ends; the same place it always ends. It’s not like there aren’t numerous historical references from across all cultures and across all time.
This rise in misogyny isn’t just women are gaining equal footing. It’s also tied to poorer economic standards and hardship and the breakdown of The Commons. Every time you have a marked decrease in economic standards, a rise in Authoritarianism, and a huge gap in wealth equality some men are going to take out their frustrations on women, minorities, and the disenfranchised. Every. Time.
When religion gets involved as part of the state under these conditions, you end up with some sort of genocide. Every. Time.
The people who do this, who act this way...swear to God they’re like fucking rats or pigeons. Ever seen what they will do to individuals when the population is under stress? So yes. Zero tolerance. Any hint and men will get checked in varying degrees. Because men have already signalled they’re not interested and they don’t care. And we know where it ends. All the “sorry”s and “we didn’t know, how could we have known?”s in the world won’t bring back the dead.
