I told you, cats are so last season. It’s all about the beagle now. Do try to keep up.

If you’re not overseas, which you’ve already said you weren’t, and not working "because of the pandemic" then you’re not redefining yourself as a man are you? You’re just hanging out — still looking for relevance, only now with an excuse. I don’t know if you should count on another one like that though.

Hmm. What’s up with that anyway? All the other software peeps are working remotely. Methinks you are trying to stretch the truth again. Still not buying it. If you’re still having trouble with the maths, Khan academy is pretty good.

Again with the faux doom. Even if your statement was true about the loss of potential relationships with age, why would I bemoan the loss of something I do not want in the first place?

It makes no sense.

It’s like marrying a loyal, monogamous virgin as a loyal, monogamous virgin, setting up housekeeping on a deserted island, and then getting your knickers in a twist because you’ve significantly reduced your likelihood of getting herpes.

What is this, the third time you’ve come at me with that same old misplaced snark? Move on, Bubba. Everybody’s figured out you’re projecting two diatribes ago.

**Addendum**

I feel I must inform you that the teenager is a little piqued at me at the moment for wasting such a beauty of a herpes zinger on someone who has bored her so profoundly. Apparently there are Gestapo English teachers and mad hatter politicians running amuk who also have it coming. So don’t disappoint the teenager by wasting another opportunity for growth and getting over your own entitlement.