I think you’re jumping to spurious conclusions here to be honest.

If the problem wasn’t adequately addressed then it wasn’t adequately addressed. Trying to put any kind of reason to it at all is just speculation based on our own biases. Best not to do that and just ask. Respectfully.

It could be what you said.

There’s an equal chance it was because she had little to no control or say over the dates. You made the assumption that she could say no, but maybe no wasn’t that easy given the circumstances. Maybe if she had a real choice, she wouldn’t have “wasted" her money on high cost dinners.

I can tell you I find it problematic too. Not speaking for anyone else and not claiming “rightness" I’ll tell you what jumps out at me and exactly why.

It’s the veneer of it. It makes equality shameful and something that should be hidden from public view. But true gender equity doesn’t happen in the dark.

I’m wondering if he’s embarrassed to be seen with a woman on a date and not be seen to be paying. If that makes him feel like less of a man.

If he is, then he’s not really interested in equality or partnership, is he? He’ll be glad to benefit from it in private so long as nobody else knows and he doesn’t have to set aside his manhood sash.

I don’t think it has anything to do with transactional dating or the spreadsheet. I think it has to do with shame. I think he’s putting on airs and pretending to be something he’s not in public. If she wasn’t paying her half, could he have afforded those dinners? When the ticket comes around, is some acknowledgement happening that she is paying her half, though belatedly?

I think there’s a very real chance he was using her and her willingness to go along with this as a false status boost, a performance to other men.

I think she’s looking back on it and feeling a sense of shame at having been manipulated. She’s seeing it wasn’t this kind thing he did for her, it was for his own benefit primarily, how he was perceived publicly, as much as or MORE than it was ever a kindness for her.

Intention matters. She’s realized his intentions did not match his words. It’s not enough to have equality in practicality but still have to be stuck performing all these shenanigans to stroke the male ego. It’s not authentic living.

I would not put up with this bullshit either. You either want to be a partner or you don’t. Pretending one thing in public to save face while living another way secretly at the definite expense of your “partner" isn’t going to cut it.

That said, I freaking love the spreadsheet idea, but I wouldn’t do it just about dates. My Grandmother kept a household full ledger system and two of my best friends run their households as a business off of QuickBooks. The value of keeping tight reins on their budgets and being able to analyze where their money goes cannot be understated. But. There’s no gender performance to paying the bills. They have a joint credit card and alternate who pays on every outing no matter what it is. They both pay into that household account and the bill gets paid at the end of the month by autopay.