I know. If there's any one grievous mistake moms have made that's really widespread it's trying to protect these kids with trash fathers from the pain of that abandonment.

They've lied for, excused covered up, smoothed over, equivocates, justified, and gaslit their children trying to protect them from that pain.

The end result is that they've destroyed any foundation for trust between themselves and their children because they lied and ensures their kids stay stuck in that pain and unable to resolve it or move on.

I cannot begin to express to you the flak I took as a single mom, mostly from the religious set and the educational system, but also from predominantly other women about my choice to not cover for her father's absence. To not chase after him and manage some sort of relationship for him.

But Urchling is good. She's stable and not stuck in trauma. She knows it wasn't anything she did. She's knows who loves her. And not covering for an absentee father allowed her to make room for other men to be father figures in her life who wanted to be there and werent resentful little pricks about the job. Cause she was always a super cool kid. His fucking loss for not seeing what was right in front of him.

To be clear here, I'm not suggesting that parentsl abandonment is one way. I'm just.dsying that the gendered aspect of it appears to be that moms try to cover for absentee dads and you don't usually see dads doing that for absentee moms.

This is a mom error. It's a impossible task in the first place. You should never gaslight your kids. They know. It's not your job. And it is cutting your nose off to spite your face. You end up trashing your own relationship with your kids for him to have a fake one. What the hell for?