I have a bleak view of motherhood and marriage. I am a mother, and not a resentful one. I am a very good mother, in large part because I’m a single mother and have been my child’s whole life.

I have really enjoyed being a mother and being a mother has not limited me or exhausted me in many of the ways my friends and coworkers are always complaining about. I LOVE being a mom. I love being HER mother.

The difference there is the marriage.

Truth is, most single moms I know are miserable. They’re miserable because of shared custody and visitation dramas that never end. Exes who will not get out of their lives and move on or co-parent responsibly and respectfully. The ones who are in it alone or with familial support (sometimes that’s even his family) are happy, energetic, and excited about life.

Most married women I know are miserable. They’re resentful of their kids and their husbands, they’re always tired and they’re always putting on a show about how "blessed" they are. They lie to their husbands to get a moment to themselves. Many of them are functioning alcoholics or on anti-depressants. Happy, well adjusted, well rested, mentally healthy women do not need anti-depressants or mommy juice to get through the day. They just don’t.

I have known a handful of truly happily married women. Their husbands are engaged. They still have time for friends, lots of times they were both part of the same group of friends before getting married. They have a shared interest/hobby and an individual one. The woman has a job, even if it is her own business while caretaking the children. THE MAN PITCHES IN AT HOME WITHOUT HAVING TO BE NAGGED INTO IT OR HAVING TO HAVE EVERYTHING SPELLED OUT FOR HIM.

I grew up in the evangelical south amidst purity culture although my family was not particularly religious. So yes, it soured me on marriage in general because I had a bird’s eye view of how complementarian doctrine destroys, erases, and erodes women. Even though I personally never bought into that bunk, those were also my dating options as a young woman, culturally speaking. So yeah, I made other plans. Haven’t regretted it.

To be clear, I do not blame men for this situation, at least not entirely. They are partly responsible. Women going along with it is where the other part of responsibility lies. It is better to walk away from a corrupt religion or speak out against corrupt doctrine than it is accept it and try to live by it. If women have a major flaw, it is that they will die to defend their religion, even when their religion is killing them and has clearly lost sight of God.