I hate this reply. It assumes because the hetero is upset because they've been lied to they must also be prejudiced. That doesn't fly. When we marry we share the most intimate parts of ourselves. That's part of the package. Both parties are supposed to do this.

While I understand the fear of coming out, and I can't say I wouldn't do the same if it were me having to make that choice, it just doesn't negate the feelings of betrayal and of having been used by someone you loved and trusted. When you've shared your inner world, all your hopes and dreams, and all your vulnerabilities and they have lied about theirs.

It's an imbalance of power and that level of lying is just as damaging as the man who has a secret family on the side or the woman who hides an affair that produced a child.

It is way too much to expect someone to just be okay with that right off the bat and be pleasant when you've ripped their whole world right out from under them.

Frankly, it well and truly sucks for both parties. Hopefully we can get to a point of acceptance where transfolk won't be so afraid they feel the need to lie like that in the first place. And again, I get it. I can't say I wouldn't lie either, I probably would.

Nobody wins here. Maybe the better solution is to not marry if you can't disclose. You obviously don't trust them enough to hold and cherish your truth, so maybe marriage is a bad play to begin with, at least with that person.