I grieve for your heartbreak as it echoes my own and many others.

I would say you love God more because you, unlike the church, are heeding the Word as your North Star, over every other influence.

Those who truly seek the divine are going underground again; as you say, they’re having to. Children are fleeing the hypocrisy of the church I’m droves as they mature.

You will not find God in America’s evangelical church. You will find Pharisees and Saducces. Corruption, degradation, and the perpetually waiting filth of scandal. As you learned the hard way, the church always chooses who is disposable and who is not the same. That choice is their own money and position.

No one was disposable to Jesus.

It gets better. Easier. Give it time; you’ll find your relationship with Christ grow in ways you can barely imagine now.