I didn't say they weren't responsible for their own choices.

I didn't say the complaining was solely because of men.

You don't understand what I'm saying because you have no experience with and are blind to living as a woman in a society that considers you public property. And everything that means and all the ways that plays out.

TransWomen are learning this the hard way.

The complaining is because nobody listens to us. One 'no' is never enough. Anytime you choose (a.k.a. taking responsibility for your own life) a path that goes against what is standard, nor al, or allowed, you best be ready to defend, explain, justify, and apologize for that choice forevermore. Because you WILL BE scrutinized, questioned, harassed, denigrate, demonized, disrespected, and pilloried for it (especially if it works out well for you) by nearly everybody.

Every. Body.

Complaining is a deflection. It gets people off your back, out of your face, and ends them disturbing your peace.

Complaining subverting the critique. The one that shouldn't be happening in the first place if your autonomy was truly respected to begin with.

Complaining says, "sure the standard or norm is preferable and of course I want that, who wouldn't want that. But I can't have that because of factor X. So I'm settling and trying to be happy with the B tier."

Now you can't make a moral issue out of their choice because in order to be a "good person" and perform your identity, whatever it is, you have show them pity. If you don't, then you take over the hot seat because now you're the aberration.

Let's not pretend like we don't all do this, both sides of it.

This is akin to flocking or herding behavior.

We tolerate individuals along the periphery and we punish individuals by shunning them onto the periphery. But if we let them get too detached from or too separate from the group, they'll start to attract predators or they'll split the flock/group and you lose the safety of numbers. So we have to draw them back in, by accepting contrition or appeasement of what got them shunned to the periphery, by assisting them with keeping up with herd, or by convincing individuals clinging to them to abandon them and rejoin the herd.

This behavioral pattern is akin to that.

We don't live just as individuals. We live as part of many groups. Much as many who have the most leeway and unquestioned or unchallenged autonomy may like to ignore that fact, the group will then on you and destroy you if you're not careful in how you deal with them. Not all of us get the free ticket you do to do whatever we want unchallenged, unmolesres, and unharassed, even when your choices are clearly causing harm and ours are not.