I agree with you that he's likely depressed but I think you're being too hard on her. You're giving him a bye for his behavior because of depression but expecting her to "man up" and handle it better.

Sorry Penguin, but that's bullshit. Few people are mentally equipped or trained to deal with people with mental health issues, depression or otherwise. For a lot of people, living with a depressed person will drown them, till they are struggling with depression too.

She's exausted. She's anxious because she's carrying the financial burden for them both. So much so that she's losing weight and clenching enough to tighten her muscles. She's frustrated. She feels trapped. She is trapped (at least until the lease ends). She probably feels like she drowning. That's classic depression too.

So why does she have to be compassionate and understanding of what he's going through, but gets no consideration of or grace for what he's putting her through?

The only possible benefit here is that it *might* help her to realize that his behavior is not couched in deliberate disrespect though I bet it sure feels that way. If she's blaming herself, that might be comforting.

But you didn't articulate that.

I read your article that you wrote around this piece and commented there already. I stumbled across this one, it's genesis today.

After reading her own words, I stand by my earlier comment. She sounds very depressed to me, and on edge.