I agree. But this is a failure of the ask-er not the ask-ee.

Back when I was dating, I’d have no problem asking men out. None at all. But, I don’t have hoards of excess cash to waste on someone who isn’t a good investment.

I am not cheap, or excessively frugal. I’m just not loaded.

So, if I want to spend time with someone interesting to see if they’re worth a larger investment, I’d invite the guy to meet for a cup of coffee.

Its perfect. It’s in the late afternoon, meet in a public place, good ambiance for conversation, coffee, some coffee houses have venues so there’s a possibility of entertainment, nobody is investing or expected to invest in gussying up to be appropriate, it can be short and sweet or you can extend the time frame if things go well.

You know how you would never buy a car without test driving? Same thing. Usually that metaphor is about sex before marriage, but it’s the same thing. Maybe a better one is about buying used gear for your kid to see if they’re going to stick with something before you invest heavily in whatever activity they’re doing. They’ll bankrupt you otherwise.

If money is an issue, as it is for most of us, see if the investment is worth it first. Nothing wrong with that.

That said, don’t expect the other party to invest at a higher level to please you until you’re willing to do the same. The women commenting here have a point. The money we ladies spend to look good on a date is no small thing. For some of us, 🙋, babysitter fees to get to go out in the first place are no joke either. You men need to be aware of and respectful of that, so you don’t come off sounding like Grade A Assholes.