Hey Nigel! How's it going? Urchling, the Joopster, and I are right as rain. Hope you and yours are as well.

Thanks for the response to this, I can tell you put some real effort into it. It's appreciated.

I get you, my man. We experience this too and you're right, it's complete and utter bullshit.

What you've detailed, is what I would refer to as a form of reverse pecking. I have both been on the receiving end and witnessed this bullshit amongst my own friend group.

This is why boundaries are important and what they are for.

To my thinking, this is also where the emotion of jealousy can be appropriately deployed to check this bullshit behavior. You'll recall, I don't believe emotions are good or bad in and of themselves, they're simply tools that allow you to engage with the world and can either be used appropriately and correctly or inappropriately and in a damaging way. Wisdom is discerning the difference. Often times, practice is required to make that discernment or to feel skilled and confident in responding.

I think this is pretty universal. In the end, most people are weak and cowardly. They just go along, you know? They won't stand against the group. They may even convince themselves that they're being a peacemaker or being fair to both sides or whatever, but really they're just being spineless.

There's an adage about people I tell Urchling so she can set boundaries. I'm gonna share it with you to think about or discard as you see fit.

Like will always seek out like and weak will always cling to strong.

In this situation, what we're talking about is that you have a strong aspect of your character that ties into wanting protection or equivalence from your potential partner. Like is seeking like. Because it is a strong aspect of your character, you are super attractive to those who are weak in that aspect because since they don't have it in themselves, they must get it from someone else. This is weak clinging to strong.

And that's why you need boundaries here. So you don't get swamped by weak people overturning the lifeboat (you) trying to save themselves.

Glad you found a partner who realizes that oars can be effective weaponry and isn't afraid to use them thus. Hope you're doing the same for her/him.