He's not saying that.
First off, while Robert is a feminist and does publish and write about feminist topics here on Medium, he's not published a mainstream feminist work, like say, belle hooks. As far as I know, he has also not taken on feminist studies, women's studies, or humanist studies in any kind of recognized program that would lead to a PhD, for example.
He's more like me. He tries to live feminism, understand other feminist perspectives, write about it, small time, and share the experience.
He doesn't meet expertise in any meaningful sense, were we talking about anything any other thing. Not saying there's anything wrong with that, but it does make the flattery is false.
So to compare what's going on here with you, as a PhD holder, feeling compelled or bound to some sort of code to respond to anyone who reaches out to you is disingenuous. Apples and Oranges. Not a fair comparison.
Also, he did just say no, with marked polite kindness rather than false politeness.
The first email from Orwa was awkward and misplaced. One could go so far as borderline inappropriate under the circumstances, especially given that Robert is on the spectrum (I believe). So if Orwa has been following his work here on Medium like he claims, he should have been aware that the email would land poorly. So either he's lying about that, deliverately using the knowledge to unfoot or set Robert up, or one of the various avenues that stems from not caring. Either way, it's polite but also unkind. Robert has no way of knowing, because unlike Robert, there's very little under Orwa's profile to suggest inclinations one way or the other. I can understand how Robert would be frustrated.
There's also this thing that happens with feminists. It's one of several widely recognized tactics used to undermine feminism. You make contact, claiming to want to understand using flattering language to draw them in and then flood them with never ending circular arguments trying to get them to convince you or educate you. But it's all fake on your part. As long as you're wasting time on them, you're not moving forward and doing your thing. That's how it works.
It's that second email that is the most concerning because of the clear failure to respect boundaries. There's that second attempt to engage after Robert made it clear Orwa was barking up the wrong tree for what he said he wanted.
And then that comment. Same thing. There's reason enough to suspect this guy is not genuine and is, in fact, a bad actor.
It's different IRL. Then more of what you described comes into play.
But the internet has slightly different rules and ramifications. What happened was more akin to overhearing someone in public saying they liked to play football and then showing up on their doorstep after tracking them down and request demanding they teach you to play because you've attracted their attention. There's an element of weird parasocial aspect or paraphilia to it.
Read it through again, not as someone with a PhD who is used to getting contacted as an actual and recognized expert in your field, but as just a guy trying to live by feminist principles, knowing that there are groups out there who actively look to undermine feminism by playing these games whenever they get the chance. Consider that being neurodivergent makes him both more of a target and more likely to be ensnared.
See it now?
