Glad you moved on because she's drowning. However, I don't think it's entirely fair to say this is her preference. In childhood, she learned to equate love with pain. Her love map is all screwed up and you can't fix it. People like this need professional help and families need societal support so fewer of them devolve into this.

As a woman, I've met men like this too. I can have compassion for them enough to know that the abusive situations they run back to or find themselves in again and again isn't what they want for themselves in life yet still recognize that I need to stay clear of them because they're drowning and they'll drown me with them.

They need professional help. Again, glad you got out of that relationship and moved on. But please don't repeat that narrative. It blames and shames the wrong people. Nobody wants to be treated badly in a relationship. Some people don't know what a good one even looks like, much less how to have one.