First paragraph: that's cool. There is absolutely nothing hypocritical about staying in one's lane. I only made the comment because I felt it needed to be said. It was not meant as a slight or a criticism to your article as a whole, at best an addendum to a fine piece of writing.

2nd and 3re paragraph: that's actually not the direction my thinking was taking, though I agree it's a fine idea. In the end it's not enough to be okay with ones manhood or womanhood but still be unable to relate to the other side.

That said, I absolutely agree about private space. For all groups, particularly marginalized and historically denigrated groups. We need space to learn to be okay with ourselves again too after so many years of being erased and villified and and and. Where we fall on the oppressor side, we need space and time to unpack and reevaluate toxic thinking so we can move forward. Most of us actually fall or exist on both sides of the equation in one area of our lives or another. So there's double work to be done. We all need time and space to do that without constantly getting blasted.

That said, those who adopt the language of change only to weaponize it later or play their own victim card should not be allowed to sideline or mangle the conversation for their own purposes. That's just more of the same.

I appreciate your thoughts and your openness. I'm so happy you participated in that group you were talking about and got healing out of it. I wish you the best in your future work efforts on this issue.