Feminists aren't setting standards. More precisely, they're not solely responsible for mixed messaging, but we do message so we do add to the noise.
The standards are being set by everyone. Feminists, sure, but other non-Feminist women too, men, businesses, schools, governments, clubs, religious organizations, media, etc.
All of that creates the noise.
What I was saying about confidence, is what keeps you from being swept away by the rise of constant noise.
We all feel that pressure, all the time. It's one of the tick marks in the CONs column of the "Should we be a social species?" argument that happened millennia ago on the evolutionary debate stage - Ross Perot style. Do you guys remember the poster boards and markers? He was fun, wasn't he?
You got yelled at for opening a door, and then "looked at funny" for not opening the door. That goddamned door, right? What a pickle.
I got screamed at once for not waiting for a guy to come open the door, even though he was several hundred feet away. I pretty much told him to fuck the hell right off.
Cause I've got that confidence, right? Confidence that the world is not going to come crashing into apocalyptic ruin over the door paradox. This guy is nobody to me, nobody I need to be concerned with. And although he's annoying me with his little meltdown, he's not being particularly threatening, not in my physical personal space, and I'm not isolated should that change. I'm cool. Nir his opinion of my failure to perform HIS ideal if femininity to HIS satisfaction going to ruin my chances of successfully doing well with another man who's not a raving lunatic. It's not going to make anyone who DOES matter to me think poorly of me because of it.
What we have here is a him problem, not a me problem. Yeah, he's trying to give me that job, but that's the great thing about interviews. You don't have to take the job just because it gets offered to you.
Carry on about your day and don't let yourself get too fussed about it.
That's how the confidence I'm talking about works.
